Anaïs Nin said life shrinks or grows in proportion to one’s courage.
I think about this a lot when I watch adults at any age settling into smaller and smaller worlds. Ordering the same coffee, taking the same route to work, having the same conversations with the same people about the same safe topics. The same friends. The same weekend routines. When did we decide that predictability equals peace and accomplishment?
Somewhere along the way, we mistake routine for wisdom and comfort for contentment.
But what if growing older meant growing larger instead of smaller?
The North American narrative that aging means eventually retreating into one small room with a window to look out at life isn’t universal and it isn’t true. While in Asia, I’ve been seeing how different cultures approach getting older. Elderly people are everywhere: gardening in community plots, riding subways with purpose, filling parks with laughter, shopping at bustling markets, being highly respected and productive in business. They’re not tucked away or made invisible. They’re respected, engaged, and anything but small.
The courage for us to keep expanding is about staying curious when it’s easier to stay certain. It’s learning Spanish at 45, starting a business at 60, taking that pottery class, making new friends, having real conversations with new people who see the world differently than you do.
It’s choosing growth over comfort, again and again.
Pushing against the edges of what feels familiar and safe lets us discover that we’re more adaptable, more resilient, more interesting than we gave ourselves credit for. When we do that, we don’t just age, we evolve. We don’t just accumulate years, we accumulate wisdom, perspective, experience worth sharing. No small room can hold us in.
The world is vast and strange and beautiful, full of ideas that could reshape how we think, people who could become unexpected friends, experiences that could remind us who we really are beneath all the roles we play.
Life doesn’t have to shrink to fit our comfort zone. We can stretch our comfort zone to fit our life.
As Nin said, the real question is whether we are courageous enough to stay curious about what’s possible. Because that’s how our worlds grow larger, not smaller.
Yes indeed, Arlene.
Another advantage of engaging with the world outside of one's comfort zone and trying new things is that it slows down the passage of Time. Who knew it could be that simple?
It’s like my mother used to tell me, “Grow or stay stagnant given the choice, I’ll take growth everyday of the week”. That attitude helped her survive bone cancer 5 years longer than she was told she had to live.